The holiday season is great for some but not so great for others// my thoughts.

So Christmas is coming up soon, I know Halloween is up first in the upcoming
seasonal holidays this year but that is over so quickly, you barely 
celebrate it compared to Christmas. You see Christmas excites me, It brings
me joy when I go into a store and I hear the jingles, I see the decorations,
I think my favourite part will always be the Christmas tree, it's so 
beautiful. However I feel like it's never complete for me, I come from a 
family who doesn't celebrate it so growing up I was always envious about 
others who were able to have a Christmas tree in their house and get to 
celebrate it. I always felt uncomfortable going back to school after 
Christmas and everyone was talking about all the presents they got and they
then would ask me and I would make up some lie because I really wanted to be
like them. So I always felt lonely during Christmas, a season meant for 
families to reunite. However that all changed when I met my significant
other, his family celebrated Christmas, he celebrated Christmas and I 
started to feel whole again during this period. My first time celebrating it
was very chill, I don't know why but in my head I assumed alot more would
go on but it was your typical, open the presents, eat, drink and play board
games and then I realised that was all it had to be as the meaning of it
is to spend time with one another. I really enjoy being able to buy gifts 
for others and being able to put presents under my Christmas tree now.
Although now that I have come to feel not so lonely during the Christmas
period, I realise that there are alot of people who still due to various 
reasons and it makes me sad. The emphasis on Christmas especially in the U.K
is everywhere, from adverts, local supermarkets to the houses which are lit
with lights down the street. You basically cant escape from it so your 
bound to feel lonely if your not doing anything. I remember I read somewhere
that alot of people tend to feel more depressed during the Christmas season
and that is worrying. I don't really have any solutions but it is something
more and more people can be aware of and as a way to include others. 
Anyway, yall better get saving.

Carole & Tuesday// a light hearted, musical anime that tugs on your heart strings.

I believe the last time I wrote an anime review was for 'Erased' and I don't
think I did it any justice but then again no review can, you gotta watch 
these things for yourself. Now the first time I heard about Carole & Tuesday
was on a recommended youtube video where someone had uploaded the
performances of the characters in the anime. As a long time anime enthusiast
, I was intrigued, the music wasn't your typical JPOP or an anime opening,
there was different genres, indie, edm, opera and some whimsical nonsense. 
The dance moves also got to me, they had such groove to them considering 
they were drawn and then it finally came on to Netflix UK and I had to watch
it. Before watching it, I didn't really read about it other than watching 
that youtube video, I assumed it was a anime about contestants performing
and nothing more but I was genuinely surprised that it actually had a story
revolving around two characters called Carole & Tuesday. It was also 
refreshing to see one of the main character's Carole being of African
descent and a refugee, something you really don't see in anime. The contrast
between the two characters, one a refugee and the other Tuesday who was born 
to privilege adds to the chemistry both characters have with each other. 
(I want to be named Tuesday, it's such a cool name.) I cant be the only one 
who likes the dynamic of two different backgrounds meeting each other and 
starting lives together regardless of their backgrounds. Come to think about
it, that's pretty much every anime I've seen.

Anyway, Carole & Tuesday is based in the future and they are on Mars which 
is so freaking cool. The entirety of the anime is futuristic, AI
everywhere, almost reminded me of 'Detective Pickachu', in terms of the
Pokemon being everywhere, almost like pets and in this universe, some AI
were pets too. I want an AI pet. 

Carole & Tuesday both share a love for music and find each other by 
coincidence on a bridge where Carole is busking, they realise how compatible
they are as Carole makes melodies and Tuesday writes lyrics. They then 
decide to become a duo and compete on a music competition as a chance to 
debut into the music industry and at the same time their friendship is 
tested through hardships. What I appreciated about this anime is the 
various topics it addresses throughout, for example; homosexuality, fame, 
stage mums, child stars, friendship, jealousy, internet celebrities, 
stalkers, family, AI, refugees,the future and probably a lot more that I 
cant think of in this moment. This is what makes this anime a slice of life 
as it is relatable to us in a time where every anime right now is being 
teleported to another world as a hero and you have to save everyone which 
don't get me wrong, I have seen all of those. Cant wait for shield hero 
season 2. I wouldn't say it is the best anime I have seen but it is a 
refreshing addition to a season of animes that borderline as same as. So 
if your in the market for a light hearted anime, give this a watch in the 
evening.

 

Coffee thoughts//vol 3.

Coffee thoughts.

Today I thought to myself, I would adventure out into the wilderness and by
that I mean go outside by myself. I ended up in a local Costa being tempted
by their seasonal drinks and ordered myself a bonfire latte and yes it does
taste as good as it sounds. There was also a hot chocolate and cold brew 
option which I will have to try next time on my payday, coffee gets
expensive. I also recently tried Starbucks, pumpkin spice latte and in this
case, it's one of those, it sounds better than it tastes. All I tasted was
coffee and for someone who prefers their drinks sweet, it was a bitter
ending. I have to laugh at myself as I drink this latte for having thoughts 
on which latte I preferred and what I would rate it. Oh how far I have come 
as a 24 yr old. 

Do you ever think to yourself, how your teenage self would 
think of your current adult self? I do and I wonder if she would be 
disappointed with me or happy with how she turned out? I like to believe 
I turned out ok, I mean it's not like I'm a mass murdering criminal, I'm 
pretty normal with normal problems but sometimes I think to myself, I wish 
there was something exciting happening, maybe dragons or a quest I could go 
on, something like the films I watch, the books I read or the anime's I 
watch before I sleep. I wish I could be teleported like Shield hero to 
another world and my sole purpose is to be a hero and save the world, I 
guess I want a purpose like many others, a legacy to leave behind, my name 
in history. But I'm too normal, I live in a normal town, I have normal 
friends with real goals like work, get married, have kids and retire. I 
can't be the only one who finds that boring, maybe I should of chosen a 
acting career because then I could live out these 'fantasies', be anyone I 
want, whenever and wherever. I sometimes think to myself, I'm too much of a 
dreamer and wish I had realistic goals like others but in my mind, I'm 
dreaming of adventures and voyages. I feel thankful to my significant other,
he doesn't ridicule me for these thoughts but I do wonder how long it'll 
take this world to kill my dreams.

 

Coffee thoughts//vol 2.

Woke up today feeling tired as usual, when will I become a morning person I
wonder. The coffee is helping slightly but I know I'm going to have to pull
out my wild card and buy a light redbull to get me rolling for the day.
Regardless, today is a Sunday, a chill day for most, a day where all the 
shops close early but as I work in retail, I'll be at work today and it'll 
be super busy. Although as soon as I finish work, I'll be going to the 
cinema to watch IT chapter 2 with my family so I'm super excited. I 
seriously cant wait for the upcoming spooky season and festivities. Anyways,
I'm running late for work, let me down this cold coffee now. Au reviour.

Back from Venice to reality.

I recently returned from my short travels to Venice with my SO and I'm 
already feeling some sort of way. It truly is hard to return back to your
mundane lifestyle after some travels, especially when you live in grey old 
London. (I say that but London will always be my home.) Regardless, it was
a swell old time, I explored somewhere new, embraced a new culture and made
new friends. 
Does anyone else get butterflies in their stomach when visiting a new place?
The excitement, the endorphins, come crashing into my gut, giving me the 
best feeling in the world and then the worst as that moment is never 
forever. The pictures help with the nostalgia but nothing will ever beat 
that moment of time when you first set your foot off the plane, when you 
breathe in the air of another country into your lungs, when you open your 
eyes and see the beautiful city around you. The memory makes me smile but 
also haunts me as I get worried I wont be able to experience that feeling 
again almost like love, it's scary to let go, it's hard to look back but 
there's something called hope, there's always something to look forward too. 
We humans are great at achieving what we put our minds too and that thought
will always comfort me amongst all those other feelings, 
so arrivederci Venice.

Pre holiday jitters.

Does anyone else get semi nervous about travelling? I'll be going to Italy
this Saturday for 4 days with my SO and I'm so excited but so nervous at the
same time, almost like pre wedding jitters, not that I have been married but
I assume it's the same? Anyways, we'll be staying at Margeria which is on the
mainland and 20 mins away from Venice, It has a beach, swimming pool and the
best bit is that we will be staying in these cute huts so not your standard
hotel but more of a camping style except more like glamping with its shower
and toilet. 

To be honest, I haven't been abroad since I last travelling to Prague so I 
feel extremely grateful and happy to be able to go to Italy even if it's for
4 days. The thought of being away from home, from the U.K brings me so much
sigh of relief if you know what I mean? almost like I'm experiencing 
freedom for the first time. I'm sure everyone knows what I mean, you know 
when you want to escape from it all and you wonder if that will make your
problems go away, make you happy. I always feel like that when I'm travelling
,my issues just feel lighter, I'm more happier and when I come home, it's
just not the same feeling and I do always wonder why it feels so melancholic
coming home. Regardless, it'll be fun and I'm excited to let my hair down
and have fun for once, away from responsibilities. 

Ezgi.

A sexist moment at work.

So you know how I always mention how I have a uneventful day at work almost
all the time, well today was the same except for that one moment, 'the 
sexist moment'. Now I wish I could dramatises this for you all but it pretty
much went like this. You see, this customer was slightly older than middle 
aged, I cant really tell but he basically had grey hair and a lot of 
wrinkles but you know, not that it matters, I'm just being really petty by 
calling him old. Anyways, he wanted a refund, so me and another colleague 
was helping him with that and the system was going through it and not being 
that cooperative as it should of and we were apologising to the customer 
for it but it didn't end there, he then decided to blame the slow system on 
women. He said I quote, "must of been made by a female, must be a female 
system" and me and my other colleague were just like 
"wooooooooooooooooooooooooooow", I swear it felt like we said it like that.
Then, he just walked off and my colleague was like I thought you would say 
something but then I'm just like, what would I say? Do I really want to 
spend my time arguing with this ignorant 'human being', Do I really want to 
work myself up and possibly upset myself as a result because of someone's 
view in which I do not care for. But then, the other half of me wished I
said something and stood up for myself and for feminism in general. So I 
feel like I'm stuck in between the two, feeling disappointed in myself for 
not sticking up for who I am as a person and my morals, yet feeling like 
it's not worth the argument at the same time. I really hate having moral 
dilemmas, debating with myself, feeling 2 sets of feelings and do I have
a moral of a story for this story, I guess, being human is hard and your
not always going to agree with others or yourself oh and being a woman is
great and If I were to be born again, I would choose being a woman yet 
again.

Before I sleep thoughts.

So today was a uneventful, mundane evening. I had a evening shift and had a
not so pleasant experience with a Priest, I mean it's kind of funny yet 
confusing at the same time but anyway, that's a story for another day. I 
rushed home after my shift and started to feel really sick because I hadn't
eaten since morning so I gorged out on a left over spaghetti and some hot 
chicken wings crisps and then felt even more sick because I ate too fast. 
A mistake I always seem to make and regret but it's all good, I got through 
it and had a lot of water to help digest it all. Now I'm in bed with some 
warm milk and a shot of brown cinnamon syrup to sweeten me up ready for bed,
but yet it's still hard to sleep knowing that I have another uneventful, 
long day of having a job which is soooo boring and uninspiring. I mean I 
tell myself, this isn't forever and that I'm working this part time job to 
support my journey towards my dream of having a career that I love and I'm 
passionate about. However the doubt and the fear of failing manages to stop 
me each time from trying. Although I know this is only a bump in the road of
a very long journey of being the person I was meant to be and who I would 
like to be so basically, it's a work in progress. Now I didn't expect this 
to get so deep but for some reason when your lying in bed, you tend to get
very sentimental and tend to overthink a lot, well at 
least I do. Anyhow, there's my insightful monologue for the night and now
I'm ready for bed so goodnight folks.

Good Afternoon.

Coffee thoughts// vol 1.

Does anyone else tend to drift of into their minds whilst drinking coffee?
because I do. Today I woke up feeling ok like most days, I want to change
this type of pessimistic feeling and magically turn it into a obnoxious
positive feeling but it's hard and that's ok, these things take time.

Anyhow, today is a work day and it's a very nice day. Now that's annoying,
why is it that every time I'm at work, the sky is most beautiful. I'm 
starting to think God has a vendetta against me... This morning, I treated
myself to a caramel latte with a dose of brown cinnamon sugar syrup, it has
become one of my all time fave duos, it's so yummy that I could have 10 
cups of it in a day. 

As I sip the remaining bits of my yummy latte, I 
thought to myself, shit I got dishes to do.

Question, why are people so mean?

Lately, this question has kept on popping up into my brain, now it could be the job I have but I have noticed that the more I interact with strangers or let’s say actual human beings on this planet, I’ve noticed how rude they are and for no reason.

Let me tell you something about myself, I work in retail. Oh yes the beloved retail, I am living the dream by working there by choice because that’s clearly what I want to be doing with my life… But it pays the bills until I grow the fuck up and decide on a career. lol.  Dang, I’m a hypocrite, I’m talking shit about mean people and look at me being mean to myself but anyway, enough of me. Now not to be ageist but I have noticed how rude middle aged people are, mostly our parents ages and yes I am generalising which is a no no but I really need to vent about this. They think they own the world and us, like 5% of them are nice and gracious and the remaining are so entitled. I have had people throw their cards/cash at me instead of just passing it to me, you know I’m a germaphobe as the next person but they don’t actually have to touch my hands to pass me their cash unless I’m missing something and my hands are disgusting. Not to mention when you go over to help them and they look you up and down and ask you what the fuck are you doing and I’m like I’m helping you and they’re like get the fuck out of here and when you leave, they call you back like pls help me and I just have to do it because job. Why cant people just be gracious and have nice manners, you don’t have to always snap at someone especially a stranger who is trying to get through their day and do their job just because your a entitled, mean person. You know what’s even more annoying? when they touch you, like did I give you permission to keep patting me on my back to get my attention or poking me, like where are my rights people. I mean who am I kidding, If everyone was not mean and actually respected other people and their personal space  , the world would be a better place and yes I said it, it is true. Anyways, if your one of those can I speak to the manager, be ashamed of yourself unless your nice about it then have a nice day.